all i can do...

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 22:20:26 GMT

FRIENDS ONLY

...leave a message at the beep...

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 21:48:36 GMT

So I've decided to make my journal friends only. I've just got too many morons in my business and homie don't play that. If you wanna read, join the group. If you don't wanna join the group, then go find another tree to piss on. Thanks.

Pretty graphic to come sometime in the next millenium.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 20:42:53 GMT

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water for his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging commie liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, Joe takes his daily medications. His medications are safe to take because some evil lefty bomb-throwers fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised. All but $10 of Joe's medications is paid for by his employer's medical plan because some fire-breathing lazy ass union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. Never would he turn it down.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In his morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is healthy because some environmentalist wacko troublemaking militant fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Then Joe walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants limp-wristed freethinking asshole fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his workday. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some fire-breathing Viet Cong-loving union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these high standards because Joe's
employer doesn't want his employees to call the union in. So Joe benefits from what others have gained. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get workers compensation or unemployment check because some stupid pinko troublemakers didn't think Joe should lose his home because of a temporary misfortune.

At noontime Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal red wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. He can thank that Stalinist Franklin D. Roosevelt for that. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist pointy-headed progressive decided that Joe and the whole society would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. That's okay, but the bastards tricked him because he has to pay taxes. Bush will fix that, he tells himself.

Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government New Deal Stalinist liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating Marxist made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that over the decades those beloved Republicans have fought, hard, to defeat every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees with the talk-radio loudmouth: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man and a good Republican and I believe all Americans should take care of themselves, just like I have!"

Fuckcake only post

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 04:37:06 GMT

The Fuckcake Reunion Special!

Starring, you: The Fuckcake. Hosted by me: The SamSam.

Chances are, you're here because you've been summoned and by golly, we're glad you came. From time to time, Brandy (a.k.a. plasticpenguin) and I wonder how and what you're doing with yourselves. Since we figure you've all established lives beyond the world of P3, I thought a P3 reunion here would serve us all better than trying to get us together in that horrid room again or gawdforbid another football game. So, you're here, and we're glad, and we'd like to know what's happened since we all parted! Are Kev and Becca still together? Is Kati still at Target and dating Justin the Jailbird? Did JimJim and Colelen ever rekindle their romance? Did Daev finally find the right woman? Is Jayson still a pimp? Is Matttttttt still doing Mattttttt things? Is Grant still an assmunch? And is Fennis still that lovable World Traveling Sunday-nighter he's always been? Tell us folks. Don't be shy. We miss you.

Now fill this little doohickey out and no one will get hurt. To make it easy for you, I'll go first.

Name:
Screen name:
Nickname I, Jim, or Kevin gave you:
So...whatcha been up to?:
Dating anyone?:
Where do you work?:
Done it in the bathroom with anyone lately?:
Still talk to the old clan?:
If so, who?:
Be honest, you miss those fuckcake days, don't you?:
I knew it :)
Would you be up for a fuckcake reunion, not planned by me?:
Anything else you'd like to add?:

See, easy! Now you try.
and P.S. Thanks for coming!

Oh, more P.S.es...I didn't have everyone's screen name, so if someone out there who kindly has folks like Drew and whoever else I forgot would please direct them to this post, I'd love you forever. AND, you don't have to have a Livejournal account to make a comment, so you have no excuse for not doing it. See how clever I am? :D

Sun, 30 May 2004 23:41:27 GMT

Okay, so here's the deal: Is anyone out there voting for Bush? Don't be ashamed if you are. Speak your mind. Stick up for your candidate. As you do, though, please tell me why because despite the fact I've heard Bill O'Reilly's, Lars Larson's, Rush Limbaugh's, and Sean Hannity's take on why we should continue to support the Bush regime, I have yet to hear one solid, clear, educated, honest reason why a vote for him is a smart vote. If you've got one, please let me know what it is because I'd really like to know. As well, its my solemn promise that I will listen and try to see the world through your eyes. <3

Fri, 28 May 2004 23:47:02 GMT

Wow....I was just looking at profiles from everyone on my severely neglected Yahoo Messenger friend's list. REMEMBER THE FUCKCAKES, 'YALL? I'm surprised I forgot about us! We were so illustrious.... Those were fun times, albeit a little nerdy on our parts, but we had fun, no? We met some great people, that's fo sho. And, really, that's all that matters <3 (Phi, still no word on the Kev/Becca or MrTinCup updates, sadly. He's Bradley.)

I still have it in me to make a big fat post, but I have neither the patience nor the time right now. *le sigh*

Plucked from Phi

Sun, 23 May 2004 05:24:23 GMT

OMG, remember this shitte when we were kids?

M.A.S.H.

You will live in House.
You will drive a Neon Brown Jag.
You will marry Chuck and have 2 kids.
You will be a Graphic Designer Chick Extraordinaire in Anywhere but here.

Warning, do not pick a high number if you want to find out your result some time this century.

Fri, 21 May 2004 05:16:20 GMT

Some people have really stupid icons.

Tue, 18 May 2004 01:18:17 GMT

This thunderstorm is literally rocking the house. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

Tribute to a friend of a friend of a friend

Sun, 16 May 2004 05:47:19 GMT

So, like I was, like yo, you rock and I wanna have your baby
And then you were all like
Yo, you should have my baby I think yer kinda fly
Then we went shopping for spatulas
Rock steady.

Fri, 14 May 2004 03:19:06 GMT

Have I just been bitchy lately or what? C'mon, I can handle the truth.

Thu, 13 May 2004 05:17:21 GMT

Hmmmmm...yanno what? I don't like being talked down to. Its rude. You're not better than me. I'm not better than you.

GET.
OVER.
YOURSELF.

Thank you.

[Edit: Yes, this is intended for a specific person. If you're thinking it might be you, its not. The person I'm addressing is too "perfect" to think its them <3 People can be such bastards.]

American Idol

Thu, 13 May 2004 05:02:45 GMT

I could understand Jennifer Hudson. I never really liked her anyway, but how anyone could pass up voting for LaToya to keep that crow Fantasia around needs to be shot. I think I'm done with American Idol this season. I'm appalled, and I still think Clay Aiken sucks.

Fuckers.

Thank you, Nate, for removing my blinders. Oi vey!

Tue, 11 May 2004 00:38:38 GMT

Happy birthday to the superest front man in all the land.........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BONO!!

Sun, 09 May 2004 16:48:09 GMT

And yet another engagement is announced

sigh

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw my biological clock out the window.

Sun, 09 May 2004 06:20:09 GMT

Yeah, so just when I think I've gotten over the Strep Throat near miss and Sickness of Hell, here it is again. Oh, bother. That gas station attendant will curse the day he ever sneezed on my credit card! *fist shake*

In other news, I've been thinking about it, and I think Charlize Theron is the greatest actress in the whole widest world. If ya ain't seen Monster, run don't walk to go do so. Ironically, Christina Ricci is odd looking. I don't like her.

In other news, its hard to be mad at dead parents. Its hard to feel anything for them at all, really. I know that that's really unhealthy. I know I'm not suppose to supress feelings. I know I should just let them go and allow myself to feel, but how can you allow yourself to feel when there's nothing TO feel? I think I've been in this "denial" stage for far too long. According to experts, whom I tend to agree with, the next stage is "anger", which is a stage I'm really trying to get at. Imagine that...trying to hate your parents. It'll be nice when I finally do. I'm just saying all this to get it off my chest. I know some people may have the tendency to say "grief doesn't come with a timeline" or argue about what I'm saying here, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't. I think I should be allowed to greive the way I see fit. Thanks :)

Swallow. Ouchie. The end.

Thu, 06 May 2004 04:11:01 GMT

There's an LJ community that is devoted to Coach handbags. Quote from userinfo page: "if i don't think that your post is relevent to coach or handbags, it will be deleted. " What's worse? Its got 186 members.

*twitch*

Wed, 05 May 2004 23:37:44 GMT

Eek! What if I can't do this whole graphics design thing? What if I really suck? I mean, my drawing skills aren't superb by any stretch of the imagination, and I don't like conceptual stuff. What if its too hard or I don't have enough patience or I'm not good enough?? *sigh*

Happy Cinco, el peeps!

Tue, 04 May 2004 23:57:38 GMT

Yoinked from frezzen

A new vers. of winamp randomnity: On your current play list, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list etc, etc, then post some random/conspicuious lyrics of each. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs. This is a test of your knowledge, not your dope fresh google skills.

1. I can't get over this feelin' I feel NOW!
2. Did you think I would stand here and lie while a moment was passing us by?
3. I wanna know what you're thinking. There are some things you can't hide
4. Believe in me, I'm with the high command
("Silent Running" by Mike and the Mechanics)
5. There's a pale moon in the sky, the kind you make your wishes on
("I don't wanna fight" by Tina Turner)
6. Yo, check this out baby, lemme get that numba. Nah, I don't think so, I got a boyfriend. You ain't got no boyfriend, you aint nothin but a little..oh no wait a minute, don't go there cause I aint wit it!
7. These are the days when all that I can do is dream, but I don't want to stand forever livin in the in between
8. If I couldn't sleep could you sing? Could you paint me better off?
("Bent" by matchbox 20)
9. Me, talkin to myself in public and dodging glances on the train...
10. I went down to the beach and saw Kiki, she was all like "eeeeeeew"...
11. Mama-say-mama-sa-mama-koo-sa! Mama-say-mama-sa-mama-koo-sa!
12. I aint no icon carved outta soap sent in to clean up your reputation.
13. When I was young, I never needed anyone. Makin love was just for fun. Those days are gone
"All By Myself" by Eric Carmen
14. Baby remember my name.
15. Put your feet in the water. Put your head in the water. 'Cmon, Put your soul in the water. Join me for a swim tonight.
16. I got the Jeep, she got the palace.
("I'm goin through the big D" - Mark Chesnutt)
17. We can dance and party all night...and drink some cherry wine...UH-HUH!
("We don't have to take our clothes off" - Jermaine Stewart)
18. She just keeps on trying, and she smiles when she feels like crying.
19. It aint your house on the hill. It aint the plane that you fly. It aint your black limousine. It aint your 90 ft. yacht.
20. Thats how my whole world slowly came apart. With a cold and empty stare as if I wasn't there. She didn't even stop to cry...

Courtesy of ravenrain

Tue, 04 May 2004 20:03:03 GMT

Now THIS meme I can dig!

"Post this list of Blender's 50 Worst Songs of All Time in your journal and bold the songs that you actually like:

1. We Built This City ... Starship
2. Achy Breaky Heart ... Billy Ray Cyrus
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight ... Wang Chung
4. Rollin' ... Limp Bizkit
5. Ice Ice Baby ... Vanilla Ice
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll ... Huey Lewis and the News
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy ... Bobby McFerrin
8. Party All the Time ... Eddie Murphy
9. American Life ... Madonna
10. Ebony and Ivory ... Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
11. Invisible ... Clay Aiken (Ed. note: This song = my new guilty pleasure)
12. Kokomo ... The Beach Boys (Ed. note: OMG, those bitches! Who produced this list?)
13. Illegal Alien ... Genesis
14. From a Distance ... Bette Midler
15. I'll Be There for You ... The Rembrandts (Ed. note: yes, die die die!!)
16. What's Goin On? ... 4 Non Blondes (Ed. note: I once HATED this song, but it has since become one of the greats simply for the high school nostalgia factor, so it gets the bold of approval)
17. Pumps and a Bump ... Hammer
18. You're the Inspiration ... Chicago
19. Broken Wings ... Mr. Mister
20. Dancing on the Ceiling ... Lionel Richie (Ed. note: Lionel <3)
21. Two Princes ... Spin Doctors
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) ... Toby Keith
23. Sunglasses at Night ... Corey Hart
24. Superman ... Five for Fighting
25. I'll be Missing You ... Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans
26. The End ... The Doors
27. The Final Countdown ... Europe
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland ... John Mayer
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's ... Deep Blue Something
30. Greatest Love of All ... Whitney Houston
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm ... Crash Test Dummies
32. Will 2K ... Will Smith
33. Barbie Girl ... Aqua
34. Longer ... Dan Fogelberg
35. Shiny Happy People ... R.E.M.
36. Make Em Say Uhh! ... Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal
37. Rico Suave ... Gerardo (Ed. note: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How can one deny the Gerardo?!!)
38. Cotton Eyed Joe ... Rednex
39. She Bangs ... Ricky Martin (Ed. note: Agreed. Hung did it better.)
40. I Wanna Sex You Up ... Color Me Badd (Ed. note: Quite possibly the ugliest band ever to have a major recording contract)
41. Didn't Start the Fire ... Billy Joel (Ed. note: You've got to be kidding me)
42. The Sounds of Silence ... Simon & Garfunkel
43. Folow Me ... Uncle Kracker (Ed. note: Die Uncle Kracker.)
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) ... Meat Loaf (Ed. note: Okay, I take back every durragatory thing I've said about the author of the list. They're pure genious!!)
45. Mesmerize ... Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
46. Hangin' Tough ... New Kids on the Block
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You ... Bryan Adams (Ed. note: I've never actually heard the song, but you can't go wrong with a title like that)
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da ... The Beatles
49. I'm Too Sexy ... Right Said Fred
50. My Heart Will Go On ... Celine Dion

In other news, I saw two cows humping on the side of the road today. Fairly educational experience.

Ed. notes by me, SamSam. All rights reserved.

Tue, 04 May 2004 05:12:42 GMT

Each week, as I watch the Swan, I think, "Wow, that'd be nice!" And then I look in the mirror and realize that I'm pretty happy with what I look like. Besides, they dress those women like whores at the end, and I dunno, but I'm not very "whorey". It would be nice to lose 352 babillion lbs. though. Hmmm... Someone should buy me a personal trainer for Christmas.

Sun, 02 May 2004 22:44:05 GMT

Well, at least I'm normal...

HOW BIG IS YOUR PENIS by supanic
USER NAME
FIRST NAME
1-16	3

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

<3 SamSam

Sun, 02 May 2004 16:39:25 GMT

Yesterday a super duper longtime friend of mine got her MASTER'S degree and threw a swanky little shindig to celebrate it. We all had a fab time, but it made me feel old...and slightly unaccomplished. See, she's like 2 years younger than me with a Master's degree. Okay, I've got 2 years of college under my belt, but I'm still 2 years away from my Associate's degree. Meh....on second thought, I guess that's "okay"...at least I know, now, what I really really want to do with my life...

Academic direction: Check
Career Plans: Check
Kids: Check, Check
Superest Boy in the Word by My Side: Check

Yep, Life is pretty good.

Aforementioned swanky shindig was held at aforementioned friend's lake house at the coast. It's been years since I've been to the house, and it was nice to go back. Brought back some fond memories. Saw a bunch of peeps that I haven't seen in years, as well. Austin and Caleb caught their first fish! All but one were bottom feeders, but the first one was an Austin-caugh trout that we ate with dinner. 'Ole! We all got sunburned. Some of us more than others.

Favorite Random Quote of the Day:
Chuck (as we're driving by farmhouses out in the middle of nowhere): "If you lived out here, you'd need to get a chainsaw."
Me: "Why?"
Chuck: "To chop up your neighbors."
Me: "Eek! Why would you want to do that?!"
Chuck: "You'd need something to do with the chainsaw!"
LOLOL

Seacrest out.

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 20:57:01 GMT

Its kinda funny how small the livejournal community really is. Every once in awhile I'll randomly run across a kick ass person who's got the same friends and/or friends of friends that I do. Yeah.

Yanno what kind of boys I hate? I hate boys who are leery. Who look a girl up and down like she's cattle. Hi, we're not cattle, and its high time these fuckers realized it. Do boys REALLY think that's flattering? Moreover, do they REALLY think we take catcalling as a compliment? I don't understand the logic there. I'm glad my boy is respectful. I'm glad that 86% of my male friends (most of 'yall included) are respectful, because if you weren't, I'd have to beat you up. I can understand why women hate men so much. There's something about testosterone that just makes so many men so incredibly unattractive. Bastards.

I'm pretty fond of my new icon. Seacrest out.

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 15:29:08 GMT

Meh.....one of these days I'm gonna love me.